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  • Jacqui Rosser

Whose approval do you need?

It’s part of our human make up that we have a desire to belong and be accepted by the group. Even as adults, we are constantly seeking approval from our peers and even our parents. Life with the alcoholic may have brought even more pressure on us to be liked or have their approval.

You may have also been aware of other people’s disapproval or even sympathy. I don’t think anyone really likes to be pitied, empathy yes, pity, no. I remember going to parties with my husband who was a very sociable person. In actual fact he was very insecure and used a mix of alcohol, charm and humour to mask his insecurities. When he overstepped the mark, which he frequently did, I saw the raised eyebrows at his behaviour and a pitying look for me. This is one of the many feelings I hated. I was angry at his angry at his behaviour and angry because I was now a victim. However, it was great feedback because it reminded me yet again that this was not a situation that could continue.

Basing your life decisions on other people’s feelings about it is insane. You know that you can’t please everybody, you know that there will always be something someone won’t approve of or will displease them. But now, you are free to manage your own life and make your own decisions without worrying about other people’s approval. You can choose to be whoever or whatever you want to be.

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. Lao Tzu.

Your life is yours alone. Live it according to you.

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