• Jacqui Rosser

How can you be intimate when he’s drunk?

Intimacy is a crucial part of any loving relationship and making love with your partner is a beautiful act of trust, caring and belonging. However, making love with someone who’s drunk no longer becomes a caring act but degenerates into a ‘fumble in the dark’ How do you respond when he just wants to ‘get his leg over’ and you want more than that. It’s not an easy question to answer.

Some women use sex as a weapon, e.g. “if you don’t give up drinking, there’s no more sex”

Does that really work?

These are the thoughts of some of the experts.

There is a difference between men and women said one author. "Typically, men want sex more than women do. The one who wants sex the least is the one who is in control, and this is how women use sex as a weapon—to manipulate," Anne Gagliano wrote. She was right because when we go to any vice to control someone like a puppet, there are consequences

. "Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context," Edward O. Laumann, Ph.D. explains. "Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it," Baumeister added after reviewing several surveys of men and women. However, women have their role. People who use sex with the intention to hurt another person is damaging. If a wife denies her husband sex, it can be torturous to him. "When a wife stops treating her husband like a lover and starts treating him like a child or a handy man, the passion can fade," Gagliano added. Using the excuse that you're angry because your hubby doesn't take the garbage out is weak.

Men use a different tactic.

Okay, guys, we know that you play a role in this as well. You may use manipulation to have sex. For example, you may propose buying your wife a new dress or buying a new car if she agrees to have more intimacy. Another example is taking things away from her like money or spending time with her. No matter how you slice it, this is abusive.

This is, undoubtedly, the worst part about using sex as a tool. If and when, you show someone that you use your body as a weapon to get what you want, you send across a message about the low standards of your self-respect.

I’d be interested in your comments around this complex issue

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